Bo-Bo Knows Neapolitans Are Dangerous

Restaurant. Mike and I. Our default neighborhood dive. Same stupid worst-Italian-songs-of-all-time CD they spin every time we're there: the theme from "The Godfather," a song with a chorus I swear goes "bippity boppity boo," and Dean Martin's "That's Amore."

Ever get turned around when you suddenly really hear a song you thought you knew well? For example, there was a time I thought the narrator in Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer" was coming home from the WARS on seventh avenue, and The Police's "Every Breath You Take" was a sweet, little, love song. Turns out Paul and Art were whoring it up on seventh avenue, and Sting was a crazy stalker creep watching every breath some sad sack of a girl took.

Tonight it was time for "That's Amore" to catch my ear in a new light.

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore."

All I've got to say is this: If the folks in old Napoli really think that love's about getting hit in the eye with a pizza, I'm staying the hell away from Naples. Because if Neapolitans sling greasy pizza at their loved ones, I don't want to know what they're catapulting toward the people they don't like.

When the oil burns your skin like you screwed up again
That's our hatred.

Everybody!