Bo-Bo Knows The End (Shred Day 30)

Done! Finished! The End! Woot! Woot!

And though taking my measurements made me feel more like a lumpy sofa than a triumphant athlete, here are my fitness numbers after 30 days of shredding:

• Weight: Down 3.4 pounds
• Bicep: Down 1 inch
• Thigh: Down 1/2 inch
• Hips: Down 1.5 inches
• Breast: No change (My B-cup girls are grateful for the net zero here.)
• Waist: Down 1 inch*

I look at these numbers--by all measures, a success--and I think every number here should be bigger, much bigger. And yet, I've lost 34 pounds since the start of the summer--that's like rubbing out a whole leg, only the weight loss is more evenly distributed. It's only right that my weight loss should slow to a pound-a-week trickle (though the foot-stomping three-year-old in me is pouting--are we there yet?)

Getting fit's a hairy mind trip, isn't it?

I remind myself that my go-to pants were in storage a month ago, my clinging shirts no longer have a spare tire to cling to, I can take the groceries up the stairs without getting winded, my mood is better in general, and--perhaps most importantly--I believe there's a healthy fit body waiting for me at the end of this journey. And maybe even more importantly than even that last one, I also recognize that getting to that healthy body is the end of the first leg of a lifetime journey, not an end in itself. For now, though, I'm choosing to be psyched to report that on this Halloween Day, I'm dressed as a slightly more shredded version of myself.

Werewolves are sooo overrated.

* Some of you may be wondering why my waist measurement increased an inch in the last week. I did have a frozen yogurt, but I suspect it has more to do with forcing my sleepy husband to get up and help measure me before 8 a.m. on a Saturday. First he tried to measure me from a prone position. Then he tried to, keeping his eyes closed against the light, measure me half-heartedly. When I pointed out that I was getting measurements at or in excess of my readings at the start of the month, he measured again:

Me: If you go all tourniquet, you're not doing me any favors.
Him (grinning): I know where my bread is buttered.
Me (laughing): Just do it right!
Him (getting up like the sleeping bear he is): Your name is mud.

So the results may be a bit hairy, but fitting into old clothes is real. And the subjective truth is this. I feel stronger. I feel amazing, actually. I feel ready to take on those last (sigh) 27 pounds. Maybe next month I'll be ready to scratch the sigh.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 12

How tough am I? Despite projectile vomiting in my driveway last night (I almost didn't even make it that far), I still did shred level 2 this morning. To be fair, I think the vomiting was due to an unchecked lack-of-caffeine headache--not a flu. And after a 10.5 hour sleep, I was feeling great, so I ate something, took the dog on a walk, and when the DVD cover caught my eye, I said: why the hell not?

As it turns out, why the hell not has nothing to do with vomiting and everything to do with Jillian Michaels being a crazy lady. The amount of cardio she asks me to do while supporting my entire body weight on my arms is just short of torturous, and am I really getting the right benefit when the plank ab twisted things set my arms on fire and do nada for the tummy region? I think it goes without saying that I'm taking advantage of Jillian's very generous offer to stop and catch my breath for five seconds. Sometimes two to three times in the same stupid exercise. My goal for level one was one measly set of military pushups. My goals for level two are a bit loftier:

1. Not dying.
2. Keeping up.
3. Finishing strong. At least once.
   

Yeah, pretty much in that order.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 10

How is it that I can go from feeling like my arms were weak as Twizzlers to seventeen military push ups in the first set and eight more in the second? That's zero to 25 in four days. Soon dropping and giving someone twenty will be an actual possibility.

Tomorrow I move on to level two. Last night I previewed the workout--probably a good idea. I've never seen half the moves before, and they don't exactly look like a cake walk. But if my push up progress is any indicator, I'll be good to go in a few days. My triceps, on the other hand, will not be good to go.

This morning I stood in front of the full-length in my sports bra and yoga pants, thinking that although I've got miles to go, I could see contour in my shoulder and bicep. In a rare moment of postive body image, the Vitruvian man flitted across my brain. But a split second later, my eyes were on my floppy triceps--what does it matter if my biceps and shoulders are inching toward da Vinci if my triceps are wagging away? From what I can tell level two has no tricep work. Let's see how it feels.

I do know that it will feel like a big relief to have the trainer move on to new things to say. Quipping that "the neck is not invited to the party" was clever the first time I heard Jillian explain proper form for the ab exercises--not so clever the tenth time.

And finally, it's been brought to my attention that I launched into this whole odyseey without proper introduction. The 30-Day Shred is basically a circuit training DVD that combines strength training, cardio, and ab work into an intensely efficient workout. You want more details? Click here and start shredding!

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 8

Here's the conundrum: I believe that the DVD is working wonders at the same time I believe that it's holding me back. I was a bit heavier again on the scale (never mind mitigating factors described in gory feminine detail yesterday) and yet today I went from four toe push ups on my first set to nine--9!--and from three on my second set to four!

How is it that I can believe two conflicting thoughts at the same time? I'm sure some Greek has something to say about that. Wasn't Pyrrho the guy who said we can know nothing for sure so we can only earn peace by questioning everything? Then again, didn't Cicero say to consider everything and chose the beliefs that make the most sense to you? You philosophers are all so damn philosophical. Embracing the questions is good and all, but physiological questions need definitive answers, dammit!

And so I reach deep into the shallow well of training bromides for this bon mot: trust the process. I'm eating right, doing this circuit DVD, and walking the pooch every day. I'm not gonna freak out about scale bobbles again until November 1. This I swear.

And you don't think I can see you making the universal face for I'll-believe-that-when-I-see-it but I can. So stop it. Now, please. With sugar on top. And I got plenty of sugar to throw at you because I'm eating none of it these days. But South Beach is a topic for another day.

* Yeah, I know. I've warned about my penchant for puns in other posts, so deal.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 7

Now hear this! These old chicken wings of mine are SO not up to military pushups! Today I followed the advanced moves that Natalie-the-cheater demonstrates, but I only got through four pushups on my toes before I dropped to my knees (just three on the second set). Deep lunges were fine, and by fine I mean burning and wobbly legs that actually completed the task. My goal is to get through at least one set of pushups on my toes before I move up to level II in four days. Not bad for one week, huh?

Oh. And the mystery of the .2 pounds? A certain blogger may have started her period today, and--for the boys who may or may not be reading this--periods mean bloat. And with that little chestnut, I think I've solidified my place among the bloggers who go beyond sharing things that nobody cares to hear to dive deep into the realm of things people take an active interest in NOT hearing about. But that's an if-a-tree-falls-in-a-forest-with-no-one-but-a-very-devoted-cousin-to-hear-it-does-it-really-make-a-sound-at-all question. And if you ARE reading, drop a line! Make your presence known! I'll even lob a question for you to answer: what's your favorite exercise DVD?

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 6

So yeah. Still feeling strong and all that but here's the thing: the scale this morning tells me I've gained .2 pounds since I started the shred. I know, I know.

1. Point-two pounds is nothing, and
2. It's probably muscle.

Believe me, I know. I also know, for example, that I'm not supposed to weigh myself more than once a week. And here I was. Weighing myself. And feeling--just a bit--crestfallen, which is kind of exhibit A in the case against weighing myself at all.

Other things I know? I've been tracking my diet and I've been eating healthy foods in healthy portions. So I also know that this is not a real gain. There's a victory in talking myself down from that. Hell, I take it as a victory that I still did the video this morning given my disappointment AND the fact that I had a house guest sleeping in the next room.

The truth is this--my body does feel stronger. And I feel like I can already see places were the shredding is happening. I guess what I'm wondering is this: where is the DVD that trains the brain? Throw in a few cognitive crunches in between the lunges and the jumping jacks maybe? A shredded body is one thing--an important thing, yes. But what I'm looking for is a shredded head. A body that lifts is strong, sure it is. But pair that healthy body with a mind that's shed the emotional baggage of the weight? Now that's what I call strength.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 5

Five days in and I'm noticeably stronger. I did the pushups without feeling like I was going to die. Yay for feeling alive and able. Though I wonder:

Can dogs shred?

Because I want Bo to get strong with me. Yesterday his vet said he was showing signs of stiffness in his hind legs and gave him a supplement to help with that. As if on cue, yesterday afternoon Bo did the old man rock to get up from his bed for his afternoon pee break. He rocked once and looked up at me. Rocked twice and did a weak whimper. Rocked a third time, whimpered again, and lifted up. Then he limped to the door where he...went apeshit and jumped in his excitement. Mayhaps the soreness can be linked to exuberance??

In any case, I will start stretching his old man legs. If only to mitigate the guilty feeling I have for getting strong while he's just getting old. Happy, but old.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred is Dangerous! (Day 4)

So my dog, Bo-Bo, has no idea why I've been lifting these curvy things and bopping around so much the past four days, but apparently he picked today to set his canine brain to puzzling it out. During a particularly enthusiastic set of jumping jacks, here comes Bo sniffing around. Damn near got his pretty nosed bashed in. First a trip to the vet for well-dog check up (shots were involved but so was a delicious pig-ear treat) and then a near-miss sneaker to the brain?

Screw you, human, Bo said.

OK, what he actually did was flop onto his bed with his butt facing me, but the translation seemed obvious to me. Couldn't have been too mad, though. He didn't actually go to his bed in the other room. And yes. Our dog has two beds. Three actually if you count the reject we keep by his food that he only uses in the summer after a walk when he needs water, stat.

Speaking of water, I could use some myself. Though before I go, I will report that the shred ab section is getting easier--I almost did bicycle crunches correctly today! And given THAT level of celebration, you can tell that I had nowhere to go but up when I started this program. Also, strength was a little more tolerable today, too. There will be no shampoo fiascoes today (see day 3), but I don't think I'll be able to get off my knees for push ups any time soon.

Correct form and showers free of shaky limbs. It's all about the baby steps, people. Baby steps.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 3

I'm pretty sure I did both sets of shoulder press lunges with my right leg today. If I don't start keeping track of my starting leg, my thighs run the risk of doing their impersonation of the incredible-demi-hulkette, which might might not be a bad Halloween costume actually:

• normal woman from the left;
• monster who makes young kids cry from the right.

At least I know I'm working my arms fairly evenly--during my post-workout shower, neither of them had enough pep to shampoo and condition my hair without shaking. I can't decide what's more amazing--how tough a workout a set of 3-pound dumbells can give me or that I'm weak enough that lifting a measly 6 pounds over my head repeatedly can turn me into jelly.

In other matters, I do wish Bo would stop watching me workout with such disdain--head down, eyebrows dancing. I tried explaining that I'm not taking any guff from a dog who doesn't have the back-length strength to climb into the car without an assist. He just raised that doggy eyebrow, harumphed, and went fetal. Sleepers never win, Bo. Sleepers never win.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 2 - Addendum

I think it's fair to say this circuit training thing is boosting my energy.

Exhibit A: Today one client asked me why I wasn't tired on such a rainy day.

Exhibit B: Later, when I received word that my day was going to be cut short by 25% due to a cancellation, I hung up the phone and bust out into an impromptu rendition of Handel's Hallelujiah Chorus. When I caught myself thinking, well, isn't this repetitive, I actually giggled.

Exhibit C: All this endorphin-infused, high octane me on less than six hours sleep.

That is all.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 2

I don't want to alarm anyone, but if the rubbery, loose feeling in my shoulders is any indication, my arms may separate from their sockets at any time.

Really and truly, the man who invented plank pushups should be drawn and quartered, though I'd be willing to let him off with an arm transplant. You know. Should mine snap off.

No rush on the transplant though, pushup man. I'd like enough time to parlay my impending arm deficit into the mother of all sabbaticals.

Bo-Bo Knows Shred Day 1

Like so many, I have a problem with comfort eating. A big problem. A problem that landed me in a weight center discussing food issues with a nutritionist, a psychologist, and a physician who specializes in obesity issues. Happy, sad, worried, mad--you name the emotion, I fed it.

Note the past tense? Fed, not feed?

Today I had a no-good, miserable, very bad day. Basically, I forgot to take my gratitude pill a few days in a row and I was letting things get to me. Grumpy? Check. Pissy? Double check. Feeling like the world owed me something? Normally a recipe for a bit of a binge.

So I caved. But did I buy myself copious amounts of chocolate? No. Wendy's french fries? Uh-uh. An army-size portion of pad thai? No.

I stopped at Best Buy and bought myself a copy of Jillian Michaels' s 30-day shred video. The best part is this: I didn't realize I was reaching for comfort until after I was halfway home. So get this: I subconsciously made myself feel better by making a healthy choice.

That's not to say Jillian didn't kick my sorry ass (afterward my arms shook when I reached for the spices to mix a vinaigrette for my salad). But shaking arms aside, I feel like I'm in control, maybe for the first time ever. Now there's something to be grateful for.